This post may appear to be extremely out of left field, and that’s because it is. Actually, not really…I just got off of a four-hour horror movie binge so these thoughts are fresh in my mind. Not a day goes by that I don’t reference, or immediately relate something in my head to an 80’s horror movie. I know it sounds insane, but its true. I’m deeply, madly, ridiculously in love with the 80’s horror genre. The clichés, the bad acting, the predictable outcomes…I love every bit of it. I’m pretty sure it stems back to my childhood. Inappropriately watching these movies at a young age. I have early 90’s, late night HBO to thank for that.
Of all the 80’s horror villains, I’ve always believed Freddy Krueger to be far superior than the rest. Even as a child, I had stamped Freddy as the number one iconic killer in my book. I can very easily name you 100 reasons why I believe this to be true, but for your sake ill stop at 5.
1) His Sense of Humor – It’s undeniable that Freddy is by far the funniest of all the 80’s horror villains. His sharp responses to 80’s teen slang make him all the more scary. I’ll give you 30 seconds to name another villain whose fingers turn into tiny heroin needles as he kills a recovering dope addict, Its genius!
2) He’s Creative – Youre not gonna find Freddy standing in a field with a knife, waiting for you to fall on an exposed tree root. Each death scene in these movies are specifically tailored to the person being killed. My favorite example of Freddy’s creativity takes place in Nightmare on Elm Street 3. A cliché late 80’s teenage girl (who has dreams moving to Hollywood and becoming a star) is watching Zsa Zsa Gabor on Johnny Carson. She dozes off, and Johnny all of a sudden turns into Freddy. Freddy slashes Zsa Zsa, and her TV immediately goes into static. When she walks up to the old doctors office television to slap it back into place, Freddy’s head appears out of the top. He’s coated in metal, and he has two antennas sticking out of his head. Suddenly wiry hands explode from the sides, one donning Freddy’s signature claw glove hands. He picks her up, slams her head into the TV and screams “Welcome to prime time bitch, its your big break in TV!!!” It doesn’t get any funnier, or more frightening than that!
3) He makes Sense – One of my main reasons for loving this series so much is the continuation of the storyline. Of course, its had its slip ups. Like any other 80’s horror movie, its resorted to psychic powers, evil bastard children, and body possession. It wouldn’t be an 80’s horror trilogy if it didn’t have at least 13 sequels and 4 of them making no sense at all. However, nightmare has done a pretty good job of keeping a consistent story line.
4) You Can’t Run From Him – The scariest thing about Freddy is that you can’t run from him. If you decide to hide behind a barn door, Freddy is gonna become that door. Thinking about calling someone to come help you? the bottom of your phone will become Freddy’s mouth, and he’ll wiggle his tongue on your face. It’s almost like trying to avoid god from killing you, as it rains pianos and knives. Anything you decide to use to protect yourself is only there because Freddy put it there.
5) He’s Iconic! Freddy is about as recognizable as a Coca-Cola can. He’s been donning the same fedora, and striped sweater for 25 years. If Freddy had decided to visit space the way Jason did, I’m positive that he would’ve left his space suit at home.
Okay, I promised to stop at 5. Plus I’m pretty sure the FBI is reading this and profiling me. I feel such a sense of relief, now that I’ve confessed my love to a certain burn faced teen predator.