Big Brother is watching, and so am I.

I’ve already made it perfectly clear in my previous post that I’ve never been really big on summer. The heat is exhausting, and the mosquitoes flock to me like I have sugar running through my blood. I forgot to mention that there is one thing, however, that I am EXTREMELY big on during this time of year. That my friends is Big Brother. I could easily be considered a Big Brother “super fan”. I am to Big Brother as the “claymates” are to Mr. Aiken. I’ve been watching since I was a child, and I don’t plan on stopping until CBS decides to pull the plug.

The 14th season of Big Brother kicked off last night in a big way. The most exciting thing about a new Big Brother season is finding out the new maniacal, evil twist that CBS has decided to pull on these poor pedestrians. This year they actually got pretty lucky. 4 of the best players of all time join the house guests, not to compete, but to coach them into making it to the end.

Here is the rundown on the new players…

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  • Wil Heuser (token southern gay): Will is a 24 year old Marketing Consultant. He’s had mediocre youtube fame for making “funny” youtube videos (I’m using the word funny extremely loosely). He’s has a huge personality, and is probably gonna play more of a social game than a physical one. He also has a weave. Just throwing that out there.

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  • Sean Meaney (token douche): Sean is a house flipper/ real estate agent/ model/ ultimate douche. He’s the guy that you can pretty much bank on having an obnoxious “showmance”. He’s good looking, and he knows it. I can see him playing a lesser version of Jessie’s game. Flirt with all the girls in the house, and then turn them against each other so their ultimate goal is to keep him in the house. He’ll probably shine in physical competitions that involve his shirt being off.
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  • Kara Monaco (token playmate): Kara is the only cast mate that hasn’t really stood out to me yet. So far the only thing I really know about her is that she likes bikinis and she was in Playboy in 2006 as Playmate of the Year. She’s quiet, but I can see her really becoming outspoken once she opens up and becomes comfortable. Social game is definitely going to be this girls strong point, she doesn’t seem very athletic.

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  • JoJo Spatafora (token Staten Island girl): JoJo is a loudmouthed, outspoken, hot tempered bartender from New York (and she loves for it to be known). JoJo is not only in the Big Brother house to win money. She wants to find love, get drunk, and apparently talk about how hard her life has been. I like JoJo, and I think she will be really entertaining. She was drinking chardonnay straight from the bottle the first night in the house, you can’t really go wrong with that.

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  • Jodi Rollins (token nonathletic black girl): Jodi is a newlywed from Colorado, and works as a server. She’s a Big Brother super fan, and has been watching the show since season 1 (I pretty much love anyone with that trait). She’s outspoken, opinionated, and seems like a really nice person in general.

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  • Jenn Arroyo (token punk rock girl): Jenn is a 37 year old bass player in an all girls punk rock band. She’s from Brooklyn, NY, and she loves to talk about it. She doesn’t seem like a very dramatic person, but at the same time would totally stand her ground in any sort of confrontation. Jenn doesn’t seem very athletic, and the house guests already seem really comfortable talking to her, I’m sensing awesome social game.

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  • Ian Terry (token nerd): Ian is a 21 year old engineering student from Pittsburgh. He’s one of the most stereotypical nerds that I’ve ever seen in real life. This kid looks like he’s straight out of a John Hughes film. Thick framed glasses, shaky prepubescent voice, and interest in science…it’s almost too good to be true. Like most Big Brother nerds, he plans on using science and “his brain” to win the game. It goes without saying that Ian is not the most athletic person in the house, so It will be interesting to see how far he goes, just based on his knowledge of the periodic table.

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  • Frank Eudy (token surfer): Frank is an unemployed surfer from Florida, and I consider someone like him to be a Big Brother triple threat. He’s good looking, extremely athletic, and has an awesome personality. He’s sort of the poster child for someone with the ability to win this game. If they don’t get him out of the house early, I can see him going all the way

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  • Danielle Murphree (token southern bell): Danielle is a 23 year old nurse from Alabama. She is about as “down south” as you can get. She’s not so much southern in an endearing Jordan way, think more along the lines of pageant obnoxious. Her strategy in the house is to flirt, and lay out. This girl has floater written all over her. In the words of Rachel Reilly, this girl should probably grab a life vest.

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  • Ashley Loco (token ditzy blonde): Ashley is a Traveling Spray Tan Specialist (yes, I’m being serious) from Hollywood. She too fits into her stereotype extremely well. She’s blond, flighty, ditzy, and seems to cry a lot. I doubt she’ll make a huge impact in the house game wise. I’m sure she’ll have some really funny youtube mash-ups made of her later on tho.

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Willie Hantz (token manly man): Willie is a 34 year old tankerman from Louisiana (I’m not making this stuff up). There is always that one cast member who comes into the house with the a secret. Sometimes its a secret so big that it pretty much becomes a houseguest itself (Matt from season 11 and his not so sick wife). Wllie has taken that roll this season. His brother is Russell Hantz from survivor, and he apparently doesn’t want anyone to know. The only problem is that they look exactly alike, have the same voice, come from the same town, and have the same last name (talk about an epic fail). Not to mention survivor is on CBS, the same network as Big Brother. This guy obviously didn’t think this one through. His game plan is to create drama in the house and stir up trouble. The problem with that is that Willie doesn’t seem to be the brightest person in the world, I can see this going horribly wrong for him.

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  • Joe Arvin (token house dad): Joe is a 41 year old chef living in Indiana. So far he’s made little to no impact in the house at all, and the house guests seem to forget that he’s even there. Mind you, it is only the first week, things can always change. He prides himself on being able to cook for everyone, yet he made spaghetti and macaroni for dinner the first night?

As I said earlier, there are 4 returning cast members living in the house solely to mentor the house guests. We’ve learned that the 4 “best players of the past” are…

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  • MIke “Boogie” (season 2, and All Stars): Mike’s team consists of FrankJenn, and Ian
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  • Britney Haynes (season 12): Britney’s team consists of WillieShane, and JoJo
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  • Dan Gheesling (Big Brother 10 winner): Dan’s team consists of KaraDanielle, and Jodi
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  • Janelle Pierzina (Big Brother fan favorite, 3rd time in house): Janelle’s team consists of WilJoe, and Ashley

CBS wasted no time throwing them into their first HOH competition. It involved them jumping from giant oversized bed to giant oversized bed, trying to stay on and collect Teddy Bears. In the end Willie won the first BB14 HOH, and Jodie ended up getting the boot. How cruel of CBS to only let her be on the show for a half hour, tough break!
As expected, the house guests spent most of the night whispering and chirping in Willie’s ear about forming secret alliances. He seems to not realize that winning the first HOH of the season is more of a curse than a badge of honor. It pretty much means you have the first target on your back.
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One thought on “Big Brother is watching, and so am I.

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