There are certain things that we as Americans will unfortunately just never tire of. Our love of fast food being one of them. We prefer it deep-fried, and we demand it to include a dipping sauce. We also love watching women have trivial fights on television. Actually that last one may be considered an addiction. Oddly enough, we’re extremely progressive about how we prefer to see women fight. In the 80’s it was rich ladies wearing furs and throwing each other into pools. It’s now snowballed into rich ladies arguing next to pools about things like breast implants and net worth. If you’re picturing me on a soap box right now, your interpretation is completely off. You’d be better off to imagine me writing this as I dip a chicken nugget in honey mustard and set my DVR to record The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
This is, however, where I blow the dust off my judgmental pointer finger. The one thing I have never understood about the American people is their obsession with a girl in a night-gown possessed by the devil. Are we seriously still riding the coat tails of a move that came out over 30 years ago? The fact that directors haven’t been shamed enough by this beat to death genre is beyond me. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t be inspired by classics. The Exorcist is one if the greatest stories to ever be told. Most people categories it as the only movie to ever genuinely scare them, and for good reason. To not want to build on that would be unrealistic. The problem is that directors are literally taking the concept of the movie and completely plagiarizing it. The only difference is that it’s cheapened with bad CGI and story lines that have more holes than a wheel of Swiss.
It typically starts with a girl so unrealistically sweet that she makes our teeth ache. She then starts becoming moody and less tan, which naturally scares her friends and family. At this point the director becomes trigger happy with computer animation. The innocent girl then learns how to contort her body, speak in Latin and pee In weird places. Her white nightgown acts as a navigation tool for the audience. The more dirty her gown, the more possessed she is.
In honor of tonight’s “The Last Exorcism 2” release, I’d like to leave you with a list of exorcism moves that are actually worth seeing.
This film is based on events that actually took place in Germany to a Catholic girl named Anneliese Michel. Probably one of the more famous exorcism cases to be recorded. Three movies have been made based in her life, “The Exorcism of Emily Rose” being one of them. This film is great because it takes a more realistic approach to what happened to this girl. It focuses more on amazing acting than computer animation. Sorry to burst your bubble, but she doesn’t end up floating in her barn.
This movie focuses on a newlywed named Molly who moves into her childhood home with her husband. We learn at the beginning of the movie that Molly is a recovering drug and alcohol abuser who still struggles. The audience must decide on whether or not her addiction is the cause of all the havoc being caused in her home. Molly is played by an unknown actress named Gretchen Lodge, and her performance is absolutely outstanding.
I feel it would be wrong of me to make this list and not include the movie that started it all. The Exorcist is to possession movies as James Bond is to spy films. It’s classic, and synonymous to its genre. The Exorcist also has so much amazing history behind it that only adds to the impact that’s its made on our culture. If you’ve never seen The Exorcist, you need to turn out the lights and turn on your Netflix ASAP.